The Simian road is not always a lonely one

I, myself, am 34 years of age. In the past couple of years, I have recently discovered that I had the markings of the Simian Line or of the Parakee. For many years of my life, I have always questioned why no one had these markings on their hands. Even when I was a child I can remember looking at these lines on my hand with wonder. Though I did not know what they meant consciously, I remember a feeling of understanding and truth whenever I gazed my eyes upon them. For moments at a time, I felt connected to a mysterious power, energy, and thought. One that felt so familiar to me, one that felt strong.

I imagine most people, while they are kids, did not concern themselves too much with feelings of difference, understandings, or even a lifelong mission to dedicate themselves to helping people. Kids are kids after all! Playtime, toys, and having fun with friends is the only real thought process of children. Mine of course was a little bit different.

I was just a normal child growing up on the streets of Chicago. My parents and I got along for the most part and my sister and I had the typical sibling feud. I had a couple of friends to play with and enough toys to last a lifetime. One would think that the first memories of my childhood would be that of the toys I had, or my first friends at school, but they aren’t. Actually, my first childhood memories were feeling different to everyone and of a lady in white that would come visit me every night before I went to bed.

My apparent awkwardness, as if I didn’t fit in or belong, is all I could remember. How I felt about myself was something I was trying to always figure out. When I was with my friends, I remember knowing things about them. I knew many of their thoughts, feelings, and home situations. When my friends got hurt or were in pain, I was able to take it away just by laying of hands on them. The funny thing is that I never questioned how I did this or why, I just did it.

Later, I started to figure out that this wasn’t normal, but as a child, I didn’t recognize the idea of being normal or not normal. I just started to comprehend that I was able to do things that others could not do. It became an experience that was a deep emotional & spiritual calling that consumed my thoughts and I was completely baffled.

The lady in white, who first started to appeared to me when I was 2 yrs old. This lady would be called Loyrie and would end up being my lifelong and number one spirit guide. She had always come to visit me each night after my father would tuck me in bed at night. Oddly, I never felt scared or frightened when she appeared. She was a beautiful lady with long brown wavy hair, green eyes, very thin face and body and wore this white gown similar to the ancient Greeks. She had this warm white glow around her which always seemed to have brought me comfort.

It must be mentioned that it’s not the kind of bright light you see on tv or in movies. The light, as well as geometric shapes, illuminates within them and surrounds them kind of like a fog. This is what is often mistaken as wings on Angel. They are not wings as all, but shapes of geometry that people confuse with wings.

It’s worth noting that not everyone who appears to you is glowing. Actually, they can come to you looking like normal people, or small odd shaped people with round eyes, to beings that are spherical in shape. Most appear with a bit of transparency because they are at the most interdimensional.

When I got a little older, Loyrie used to comfort me and explain to me why I felt the way I did and why I was able to do the things I did. She explained to me that I would help many people throughout my life. I would help carry them through a low dense vibration state into a higher level of vibration and that I would be able to tap inside a person and inspire them to keep going. To be completely honest, I never really understood what she was actually talking about. I just enjoyed her presence and the feeling of total love and acceptance that would resonate with when we were together. Loyrie would teach me many things throughout my life and still continues to do so until this very day.

Throughout my experiences as a Simian / Perakee, a Soul Sage, and a Spirit Guide, my challenges in life have been great. I have carried the pain and the burden of many people throughout my life. My emotional state road me like a roller coaster with many ups, downs, twists, and turns. For many years, the energy, thoughts, and insights came through fast and unpredictably and I was able to feel others as if I was them. The slightest touch, hug, or even being too close to someone would bind my energies with them like a vacuum. When this happened, I hated how it felt and I hated what I felt when getting too close. I detested the visions I had that would race across my mind of what they experienced or will be experiencing soon.

Emotionally, I started to find myself closing off to others and becoming distant. My behavior, attention span, and my grades all changed and started to decline. I became very hyperactive and outgoing when high energy passed through my body. When it was low or depleted, I became very angry or closed off. It felt as if a battle of two or three bodies of energy were fighting for control inside me. First, I tried shutting down my intuition and abilities. Then I tried to ignore it by pushing it away. I even tried to pretend it didn’t exist. However, the same outcome always came; when someone was going through a difficult or traumatic situation, in pain, I found myself being right in the middle of it.

Honestly, I always felt guilty ignoring other people’s pain and issues because I felt like I was turning away from who I was. More importantly, was how guilty I felt that I was abandoning people who needed help. If what Loyrie said to me was right, and that my mission in life was to care for and heal the people of the world, then how can I walk away from that?

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a rebel and very outspoken. They understand that it is my passion that rules me; sometimes to a fault. My intentions are always of others, even while stepping on toes. I can’t speak for any other Simian / Perakee than myself, but I have great intensity. Sometimes controlled and sometimes chaotic; It all depends on where it is I focus my energy. Having the ability to feel and to see things for what they are, put me on the outskirts of society. My motto is to challenge & question everything in life. I don’t believe in something just because someone tells it to me, I feel the mind can only achieve greatness when it is open.

Once in a while, I feel a bit cynical towards the world because I see through all the lies and deception. I encourage my friends & people around me to think for themselves and question life. Unfortunately, this ideology seems to step on people’s ingrained beliefs and upsets them. I don’t have many friends and never really did. The awkward one is what I think most call me. They think I’m weird and make judgments on me before they even get to know me. I spend most of my time by myself, but on the lucky side, I am a loner by heart! I will say, as much as I enjoy my private time, however, or “ME time” as I call it, I often miss the communications and affections of the world and people.

I believe most of those that are Simian / Perakee have great hearts and are willing to sacrifice themselves for others, but I also know that this comes at a price.

My personal and romantic relationships with people have not been the greatest. I often feel that I would have a better chance of winning the lottery than landing a successful relationship. I will note that I am pansexual, genderfluid, and polyamorous. Although I’ve dated more women than men, many of my relationships, I have come to find out, it’s was always about me finding the proverbial “lost soul”. More than being a romantic relationship, the relationship was more focused on me trying to help them get back on their path. To be honest, I never go into any relationship with the intention of trying to “fix” someone or to attract a “fixer-upper”. Those people, just like 99% of the people who have come into my life, have always shown up!

At first, my relationships are fascinated at first by my abilities, but later on, they become aggravated and scared and rebel against who I am. I have always been told, by quite a few people, that they are intimidated by who I am, often referring to it, not in a pleasant way. I’m not sure about other Simians / Perakee’s, but I always feel like my relationships were here for me to help them and then move them along. Wonders of always staying single cross my mind from time to time and if I’ll be the old lady down the street with 50 cats. lol. Does our gift from the universe come at a price? Does the one thing we share with the world elude us in our personal life?

Besides having immense amounts of energy, which I think is a Simian trait lol, can we really bear the weight of the world?

Throughout my life, I have realized that my stamina & energy outstretched most. I find myself being aggravated and sometimes not able to understand why people cannot “keep up” with me. I nicknamed myself the workhorse because that’s how I feel most of the time. I’m always on the go because I have to. I have no choice.

One time I asked Loyrie if this inner strength was gifted to me to use when others are at their weakest and if so, why? Her reply is always “Love is the strongest gift one can have”. I never understood what that meant that until later in life. No doubt I have great inner strength and a will that comes second to none; For it has enabled me to travel across this country and help many people, and to be the rock or the shoulder to cry on. It has been quite a blessing to be able to gift people with love and to help them get through their troubles. For that I’m always grateful.

One ability that I keep to myself is being able to vacuum out the emotional distress or pain of others. Doing this allows me to temporarily numb them so that they can be filled with strength and insight which will allow them to carry through. I call it the “Numbing Process”. I will not state how I do it, but that it is very effective in getting people through deep hardships like breakups, loss of a loved one, suicidal periods, just to name a few. However, what these individuals don’t know is that I do the “Crying” for them.

Now I already hear you healers out there shouting at me with why am I doing that, but give me a chance to explain! First, I do not stop them from learning, mourning, or going through what they need to go through. I simply lighten up the load for them, just for a short time. This allows them to breathe and be conscious of the true purpose of the experience. I never interfere with anyone’s life or life plan. If I see within them that they need a break, I simply give it to them. This is one of my special and best-kept tools in my tool belt. To me, it is a gift of Love.

A couple of years ago a very traumatic event took place in my life, even more than the normal tough life lessons I endured. During this time I found the “Dark Side of the Simian”. My bouts of anger, resentment, and pain were amplified by the power of this gift. I lost everything in my life, including everything I worked so hard for in my life, was taken away in an instance by some very nasty people whom I tried to help. This lead to the discovery that because we Simians / Perakees are so focused and passionate, that logic sometimes flies right out the window and that we tend to ignore our intuition and our better judgment. I became consumed in saving someone’s life that I ignored everything I was. I wanted to help this person so much that I didn’t recognize all the lies and red flags.

Well, when the ship sank, I found myself even more alone than I already was. Two weeks later, my best friend committed suicide. It was way too much for me all at once! For once, this Simian had a breaking point! All the controlled and focused energy I was used to was now used in destructive ways. I traded my love for anger, my compassion for bitterness and my wanting to help others for selfishness. In my mind, the world & my guides turned against me. They pushed me and I was going to push back! The power of a Simian / Perakee is extremely great! Tarred & feathered I was, and now, I was going to show the world what they were messing with!

For a long time, I stopped healing and helping people for a long time. Because I lost belief in myself, I treated people as crappy as I felt. I know now that when a Simian / Perakee loses their belief in what they do, it is as if they have died. I continued to channel my anger and pain and spread it like a disease.

To be honest with you, I don’t know why some of my friends stuck around. The “Dark Side of the Simian”, as I call it, took me to the deepest and darkest place in my life. When this power took over, I felt like I was a passenger in a car that was driving very fast and out of control. I knew this wasn’t who I was but I didn’t know how to get off the ride. Needless to say, one day I finally decided to take control back of myself, make peace with my life and the situation at hand and pull myself out of the depths of darkness.

All my life I have felt that I had no one to talk to. It was mostly because I felt that people didn’t “get it” or understand it. I’ve always remained quiet throughout my life because everyone comes to the “rock” to lean on. So when I have things I need to deal with, who do the rocks talk to? Who can the rocks lean on when they feel weak?

I found the answer in love believe it or not. I found that there are people out there, even if they haven’t had your experience, that makes sound listening boards. Most people don’t realize that just the simple act of communication is a bridge of sharing love! It felt great to finally be able to open up to people and share what’s on my mind. The mere act of just opening up allowed me to dump much of the heaviness off my shoulders. I have some amazing friends that allow me to talk about whatever I’m going through. We have an understanding that even though they didn’t have the experience of what I’m speaking about that doesn’t mean that they can’t relate on some level. An interesting fact was just the act of verbal speaking had allowed me to connect to people again.

I know many Simians / Perakees out there feel alone or different in the world. And you know what, that’s ok! People might not understand what it is you’re going through or feeling, but it is very therapeutic just the simple act of letting that bottled-up energy go. I found that talking to friends, family, and even a therapist from time to time can help get you out of the deep end that you’re in.

It is said that all Simians have the capability of a “Light side” (strong) and a “Dark side” (chaotic). I can honestly say before all this happened I believed these sides weren’t possible for me. I now know that we have the capability to do with our lives, depending on the perception that we carry, whatever we choose to do with it. We are the mistresses (or masters) or our domain and path. I now am back to who I am. Reteaching people about love, caring for them, and helping the world grow one person at a time. We may not always be understood, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a healthy and happy life!

So to all my fellow Simians, Conscious healers I send you much love and strength on your challenging but incredible journey. May your inner consciousness shine upon this earth as bright as the star you are!